Response #8 – Max Apple’s “Roommates”

After the introductory paragraph, the essay follows chronologically over three time periods. It begins when Apple is in elementary school then proceeds on to college, as a family man, and a broken man. The common themes throughout each time period are the grandfather’s amazing snoring habits, how he talks in his sleep during nightmares, his harmless but constantly peeved personality, and their amicable non-demonstrative companionship.

It would have been difficult to determine how much backstory to include in this short essay. Where were Apple’s parents and grandmother? These details are not relevant to their relationship but came to mind. Focusing on the profile alone might make these irrelevant.

Anyone that has lived with their grandparent for the better part of 43 years deserves admiration. Who is taking care of who? As an elementary student, Apple had the compassion to believe that his grandfather needed or wanted the wise schooling from his grandson after a hard day’s work. While in the prime of his life at graduate college, Apple again became roommates with his grandfather. His grandfather stayed with him through Apple’s marriage and fathering of two children. Despite this being a profile about his grandfather, Apple shared his personal vulnerability. This was important because it allowed the reader to learn how the grandfather held the family together. With no need for explanation or understanding the reasoning behind it, at 103 years old the grandfather just started doing the work.

Near the end of the essay, a year before his grandfather’s death, Apple states, “I saw how much there was to do.” Indicating that Apple has come full circle and that, through all their years together, he has learned what his grandfather has always demonstrated throughout his life. Apple reinforces this again a few sentences later by writing, “there’s always a lawn to mow,” an activity the grandfather engaged in according to the introductory paragraph. I did not have any personal connection to this story, but this did not prevent me from being engaged in the high quality essay.

Apple does a beautiful job of depicting his grandfather as a hard worker yet an abrasive and bristly man. His grandfather’s dreams set the foundation for this behavior as we’re made aware of his challenges and life experiences. I thought about my relationships with my parents, my mother in particular. I’ve thought about words I would use to describe my mother and have wondered what stories or memories I would share to paint a picture. I’ve questioned if the two (words and stories) would align. My thoughts have also led to a comparison of my relationship with my mother, particularly as a teenager, and my relationship with my own 15-year-old daughter. How is it I’m a lot like my mother but my daughter is more open, loving, daring with me than I was with my mother at her age?

I know that everyone shows love in different ways. While the grandfather may not say “I love you” or offer sympathy, advice, or understanding, he showed love by doing the work (taking out the garbage, playing with his children, etc.) and being Apple’s roommate throughout the different stages in Apple’s life. I doubt you would continue to live with someone if you didn’t enjoy their company. Supporting someone through difficult stages in life is love and Apple’s grandfather did just that. Although it may not be the most conventional way, it is still love.

Apple did a wonderful job describing his grandfather. You can get the feeling of what they’re relationship was like throughout the years. There’s even an understanding of who his grandfather is as a person instead of a character just by the quirks.
The author and his grandfather actually made me think of my own relationship with my grandparents. I learned quite a bit from them and how they typically go about their lives despite their age, and they were there to help my parents care for me and my siblings when we were going through rough times, somewhat similar to Apple’s grandfather.
I actually wasn’t sure what to make of Apple’s grandfather at first, particularly with how he seemed to love strife. But as the story progressed, I did find myself liking him. While he may seem to be a cranky old man, the story still showed that the grandfather did care for Apple, from doing most of the work around the apartment to teasing him with the newspaper. And even when he didn’t understand or sympathize the depression Apple was going through; he was still there to help him take care of the kids. In a way, he was a gentle soul.

I was drawn in by the depiction of the grandfather, “hating his enemies.” I wondered what had happened in Lithuania in the early part of the twentieth century that would have made him so angry and vengeful, which is a great feat in a piece of writing: the desire in the reader to dig a little deeper. I was also intrigued by the almost impassive way that Apple describes his grandfather; yes, there certainly seems to be love between him (you don’t invite your grandfather to live with you in grad school if you can’t stand him), but the writing is unsentimental. This seems to accomplish a few things. The first is that gives a reader some distance with which to view the relationship. The second, and perhaps more significant feat, is that it also gives Apple some distance. Given the significance of the relationship and of Apple’s loss upon the death of his grandfather, the instinct in the first draft, I imagine, would be to write a schmaltzy, romanticized essay about a person who probably didn’t even exist — the Cleaver family’s grandfather, if they had one. This would erase the complexities of the real person, and smooth the character out so he had no real personality left. Apple’s choice to write the un-gussied up truth is the more powerful one.

“Although by then he must have been wearing the shadow of death as an undershirt,” is an incredible line, and hit home for me. I had a great uncle who outlived all my grandparents, outlived nearly everyone in his generation for that matter. I was very close to him as a little girl, even when many of my other great uncles and aunts and my grandmother were still alive. We had cabins five doors down from each other on a lake in northern Maine, and in the summers I could traipse over and visit him whenever I wanted to. As I got older, he would take me around town on errands, teach me how to drive a truck, let me work with him in his big garden. When I moved to the west coast, I spent less and less time in Maine, so I stopped seeing him as much, but when I was pregnant with my daughter I felt compelled to make a trip specifically so that he could “meet” the baby. My husband and I spent a week or so at our cabin, wandering back and forth to see Uncle Paul. By this time he was 101. One day, we proposed taking him for lunch to the diner in town. While we were there, I saw the way people greeted him, saw how he ordered and spoke to the waitress, watched how he lost the thread of the conversation, and I realized it without having the words: he was wearing the shadow of death as an undershirt. He died at 103. Apple’s essay felt very personal.

Apple depicts his grandfather as a hard-working yet ornery old man who expressed his emotions through his work and processes them at night through his dreams. The imagery of him snoring and talking in his sleep and working hard was mentioned repeatedly, reiterating such a portrait. Grandpa seems to have had traumatic experiences which he relives during the night when he cusses and swears in Yiddish. He picks up the housework of his grandson in gradschool, and even in his advanced age of 103 he still picks up his grandson’s housework, even though ‘he did not understand what had happened to my wife and had no symphony for my depression. But he saw the work of daily life in front of him and, as always, he did it.’ I noticed that this sentence was very indicative of the personality Apple tries to portray in this essay. Grandpa also appears to be stubborn and living ‘on his own terms’, having outlived all of the friends of his own generation and then starting a new life in his 80s when he moved in with his grandson again. Apple isn’t overly emotional in his descriptions of their relationship, but neither is grandpa in his daily interactions. Apple’s way of describing grandpa seems consistent with grandpa’s personality and works really well here. The overall structure is quite the opposite of Toth’s essay, in which she focused on one particular theme or event to portray her characters. Apple gives us a big picture overview and a snapshot of his entire life, separated into three sections: his youth, his college years, and his time as an adult when his world falls apart. Grandpa clearly played an important role throughout all of these stages, and as such he becomes very endearing despite his seemingly rough persona. Similarly to Toth’s essay, focus here is on actions rather than descriptions, which allows the reader to create their own image of grandpa and his relationship to Apple. I’m still unclear on the meaning of the first sentence: ‘I came rather late to understanding myself in the cycle of life.’ It seems like a great and intentional opening, but I can’t quite grasp its significance. Any insight anyone?